Somebody was rude to my best work friend today on the phone. I told her that if and when they call back to tell them:
“My mate Mal has a very particular set of skills, skills he has acquired over a very long career. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like you. If you apologise for your rudeness, that’ll be the end of it. He will not look for you, he will not pursue you, but if you don’t, he will look for you, he will find you, and he will smash your face in.”
It just occurred to me that should any of you lovely readers of my blog have a similar issue, please feel free to say the same to whoever has been rude to you on the phone. If they fail to apologise, leave as many details as you can in the comments section and I shall follow through on my promise to avenge you.
when I think of something snappy 
I do dearly hope that isn’t the friend I think it is, if so add me to the Mal who has the set of skills (although I don’t have a set of skills) and will find them (although I doubt I will be able to) and who will smash their stupid face in (although I am tremendously bad at smashing faces in) (as you know)
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