No Biscuits

I’ve just been musing with a mate on WhatsApp about a world without biscuits. Isn’t it weird the places your mind takes you to when you’re bored? Transcript below:

Just imagine a world without biscuits. There would be carnage! Thank God (I have chosen Dionysus, the Greek God of wine, intoxication, chaos, and ritual frenzy, as today’s deity) for biscuits!

BTW, Dionysus had the power to bring the dead back to life. A power that was bestowed on him by his father, Zeus. Zeus had resurrected the young Dionysus after the Titans had lured him into their cave, slit his throat, chopped him up and roasted him for dinner! It came back to kick them in the arse though, as it was then that Zeus, having finally had enough of the old gods, killed them all! Dionysus also had the power to induce mass hysteria and madness. What a dude eh?

At least I think that’s right, you may want to google him to double-check, my Greek mythology is a bit hazy these days.

Whilst I’m procrastinating about gods instead of doing any housework, did you know the story of Noah’s Ark was actually plagiarised from a much older Sumerian story?

From what I can remember the story first appeared around 2000BC, a full 1000 years before the Biblical version, in the tales of Atrahasis and Gilgamesh. In the Sumerian story, a dude called Atrahasis is told, by the gods, to build an Ark to preserve the species of the Earth from the Deluge, as they called it.

The Sumerians had a shed load of gods, all led by the big three. Anu, who was in charge of the sky, Enlil, who looked after the earth, and Enki, who lived in the oceans. Now, these three were normally squabbling amongst themselves, but having finally had enough of the humans they had created mucking things up on the Earth, they put their differences to one side, clubbed together and sent the Deluge to wipe out mankind.

Just like the story of Noah in the Bible.

It’s quite interesting reading, if you ever get the chance. Atrahasis and Gilgamesh. There’s a lot of similarities between the Sumerian writings and the Old Testament, with plagues and famines and droughts being sent by the gods to sort out man before finally reaching tether’s end and flooding the world to get rid of him.

And to think people actually believe all this shit actually happened for real and was done by the One God? Just goes to show how gullible humans are.

n.b. You might want to fact check this as it’s been a very long time since I studied any of this stuff.

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